Well... I do have to decide. I've been procrastinating on my decision. The problem? There are too many OOC factors for me to think clearly about strictly IC factors.

Ck is still angry. And no one is really talking to me anymore on chat, except to maybe greet me when I log on. I'm in exactly one rp right now. I feel... a bit replaced, I guess.

Now that doesn't mean I'm thinking about leaving again. But those are thoughts that have been running through my head.

So... what does that have to do with Mary? Her only real friend right now is Hope... and that's Ck's character. And Ck and I aren't good right now. If Mary came back... what would that mean, IC and OOC? Even if Hope would try to help as a character... maybe she wouldn't because Ck isn't speaking to me.

Then there's Ferlen. Bond's character. I'm just not really sure what Ferlen could do to help. Throwing the truth at Mary just makes it worse. He needs to move forward- and he's gone a long way- but Mary has not. I'm not sure Mary is really good for him.

And then there's the stigma that I've been using Mary to kind of get back at everyone who took part in the whole Teresa situation. To use my character as a form of manipulation. The thing is? I love Teresa. Mary loves Teresa. The emotions are going to be similar. I wasn't trying to use my character for personal gain. But to think of a scenario where Mary is kidnapped by her father until around the time Teresa comes back... I'm afraid of how that will come across.

I've considered just... letting her go. Let her tragedy fade away. Have her die alone and terribly. I just... I don't think I can do that. Ck has said that Mary's story is so tragic that it's ridiculous. But to take on that vibe myself all the way to her grave... it doesn't do her character justice. Every character has problems. Mary's just had a lot of life circumstances she had little control over that brought her issues to the forefront.

So... where does that leave me? Mary could get kidnapped by her father... but for how long? I'm not sure... and Alex would go with her and probably get kidnapped too, so everyone would probably know. But then there's the fact that their father is an evil character. Would it be considered OP if she was kidnapped for years and no one ever found her or her father? I don't know.

And then there's this whole scenario that's been playing in my head that makes complete sense for both Mary and Teresa's personalities. I think Teresa was beaten by her father... and doesn't remember it. I wrote out this whole scenario back in July, thinking that I might never implement it or make Teresa remember- because that's just really awful. Who wants to remember that? Besides, her story is tragic enough. But I think that it happened- the whole story is a bit detailed- but... I guess I'm afraid of being judged for that too. And how that would play a role in both Mary and Teresa's lives, even if they never found out.

I don't know... I just feel very judged as of late. It's why I've been avoiding chat and not doing as much on the wiki for awhile. But I need to sit down and decide what happens to Mary... and it's time to stop procrastinating. Time to stop running.

(insert heavy sigh here) Mary believing that Teresa is gone for good would destroy her. It's not a revelation she can pull herself back up from. If her father kidnapped her... Teresa wouldn't save her. Even when she comes back, her first duty is to her daughter and husband- she wouldn't put herself in a dangerous situation with her father to save her. Besides... if I use this whole story I wrote in July, that means that Teresa can't attack her father without dying (Unbreakable Vow). Anyway... back to Mary.

I guess I'll just say that Mary got kidnapped by her father. I'll have Frederick send Ferlen a letter. I can decide her and Alex's fates later on I guess... depending on how Ferlen, Benjamin, and Renee react. Ck's characters run all of law enforcement... very appropriate. But with all the OOC factors, I'm not sure how her characters would react.

I'm not even angry right now, just... lost. It's like I can't think about it for too long. I had the most amazing weekend, and I'm focusing on RL a whole lot more, because honestly it's gotten pretty awesome. But at the end of the day, as far as it comes to DARP... I'm seeing who the favorites are. The user that the ones on top are willing to listen to. I guess I believe that everyone should be treated the same... even the ones who helped write that blog. And as long as there are ill feelings there... we'll never be listened to. Not by the users that really matters. Bond can't play the middle man forever. At the end of the day... it's just a fictional world that we're all bonded by. And sometimes, I think everyone forgets it. I guess I can't believe how much emotional and hurt happened over a world that isn't even real. I'm even amazed with my own reactions. Maybe for that reason alone many of us should just take a step back.

In the meantime though, I'll see what I can do to pick up the pieces... or not. Time to write this letter from Frederick.

(Adding this so that some of the scenario makes sense: )

Well... it's done. Another decision I had to make that took into account more OOC elements than IC factors. I'm really hating the direction of this wiki right now. It's not a happy place anymore, and it hasn't been for a long time.

I've been writing and erasing things over and over for the past ten minutes. Nothing is going to sound non-offensive in some way shape or form. Nothing is going to be taken as a simple honest opinion. Everything I think of, everything I want to say... I just feel like I can't. For fear of being shut down because one little thing I say will be focused on and blown out of proportion... again. And again, Bond can't be the middle man forever. I just hope that the users on the wiki know that I tried to make things better, not worse. And I guess I'll have to live with just knowing that, if users even believe that.

I keep writing things and erasing things. I guess it's time to sign off... say goodbye to DARP for the night... and hope things look better in the morning.