If There's a God

February 24, 2015

''A bit of a note about this one... I have absolutely no immediate intention of killing Teresa off- just making that clear. This comes from Teresa's personal journal, and was brought about upon reflection about Lily, and Ferlen's words to her.''

I don't know if there's a God, but i ask for mercy now. As Kinsel predicted, I am deep in dark matters, and more research is to follow. I don't know exactly what I will do next, or how dark this path will become. I can't see all the risks, but the ones I do see are morbid. I throw these words to the heavens, or wherever the place of judgment resides. I ask that I am allowed to pass in peace from this life to the next when my time comes. I am well aware this may not be heeded. But, I pray, do not damn me based on my actions alone. Do not damn me based on my mindset, even if my morals become as Dark as the knowledge I possess and the actions I fear I'll carry out. I am loved, you see, despite all this. Ferlen is good and pure in nature. Now we are together, and we believe all will be well. Let his good deeds negate any evil deeds of mine, and let us remain together. Have mercy on me because my husband loves me and is here for me no matter what, and I ask that does not end in death. If I could make one more request, I ask that I am able to protect Ferlen from the majority of the negative effects of my work; but I equally ask that he, in turn, is able to protect me. I do not know exactly what I need, except for his arms around me when sinister thoughts creep in. Our child is on its way. She- or he- must have complete protection. Do not let our child be corrupted as I have corrupted myself. Let her be peaceful, and innocent, and free from evil. Let her tenderness be my fuel in my work, and my reminder to make love my sword and trust my foundation as I progress. If Ferlen is unable to protect me, let him protect our daughter with an even greater strength. He will make a wonderful father, because his love is unconditional. If there is a God, I plead that I find peace in the life to come, and that Ferlen and I will remain together as one joins the other, for all will be okay as long as we have each other.